He loved me. And I was fighting to get back home to him.
[ There's nothing happy in the statement; there's more than a hint of pain, and she doesn't like feelings things as intensely as she has been since she got back. She knows why, knows that she'd felt too estranged from time noting her age changed and nothing else had, that it made everything she'd been compartmentalising for the last seven months she'd been here was torn right back out.
So what is it that bothers her most? She's said it to Lute, in small snippets. She hasn't admitted it to anyone else, because the ones from home both do and don't understand, and saying she misses her father in front of a comrade she knows is dead feels cruel in a way she doesn't enjoy.
So she uses Kazuki as a soundboard, from a world so much more peaceful, where the arts are prized more than the art of conquest. ]
He's still alive, I know it, but at this point, I don't know that I'm going to be able to keep my promise.
[ She shifts to lean forward, pulling her hands into her lap, curling a cupped hand around her fist. ]
You know what the biggest joke is? I've basically been in a coma the last four years. I have two years left to find the only person in the whole ugly world who loves me, and I don't even know if I'll wake up in time to find him before I die from pre-existing conditions anyway.
[ A condition he made sure she was trained to get. One that he'd broken down over, apologising, afterward. I'm so sorry. She breathes in, a ring of constriction around her chest. ]
You're right. Parents aren't always the best for their children. [ Eren, where did your father go? Was he the one who helped make you who you are? ] And you love them anyway.
[ Lute looks back to her, waiting for her slight nod before he accepts the offer from Xylo. She needs space as much as she needs anything. And for the time being, he figures she needs human company, and it's rare enough to seek out someone that he'll take those steps out into the beauty of another home's cultivated gardens, knowing it does not break the one behind him.
So he falls in with Xylo, waiting and appreciative as they set off. ]
no subject
[ There's nothing happy in the statement; there's more than a hint of pain, and she doesn't like feelings things as intensely as she has been since she got back. She knows why, knows that she'd felt too estranged from time noting her age changed and nothing else had, that it made everything she'd been compartmentalising for the last seven months she'd been here was torn right back out.
So what is it that bothers her most? She's said it to Lute, in small snippets. She hasn't admitted it to anyone else, because the ones from home both do and don't understand, and saying she misses her father in front of a comrade she knows is dead feels cruel in a way she doesn't enjoy.
So she uses Kazuki as a soundboard, from a world so much more peaceful, where the arts are prized more than the art of conquest. ]
He's still alive, I know it, but at this point, I don't know that I'm going to be able to keep my promise.
[ She shifts to lean forward, pulling her hands into her lap, curling a cupped hand around her fist. ]
You know what the biggest joke is? I've basically been in a coma the last four years. I have two years left to find the only person in the whole ugly world who loves me, and I don't even know if I'll wake up in time to find him before I die from pre-existing conditions anyway.
[ A condition he made sure she was trained to get. One that he'd broken down over, apologising, afterward. I'm so sorry. She breathes in, a ring of constriction around her chest. ]
You're right. Parents aren't always the best for their children. [ Eren, where did your father go? Was he the one who helped make you who you are? ] And you love them anyway.
[ Lute looks back to her, waiting for her slight nod before he accepts the offer from Xylo. She needs space as much as she needs anything. And for the time being, he figures she needs human company, and it's rare enough to seek out someone that he'll take those steps out into the beauty of another home's cultivated gardens, knowing it does not break the one behind him.
So he falls in with Xylo, waiting and appreciative as they set off. ]