forsaintcecilia | IC Inbox [Victory Road]

[ Days follow, and Annie takes herself through towns and cities, finding outlets where she can for the alternating emotions she doesn't force herself to shove down and away.

Really, she thought she'd be dead by now. It's not what she wants, of course, but it's closer to what she's earned. Or as most the world says, what everyone with her shared bloodline earned just by being born.

Her father's been on her mind. So has Marco's death, and Bertolt's, and the knowledge she has for what happens after she's in crystal, but not for the years that flowed by without a whisper.

Resolution would be nice. Kinder.

She ends up where she needs to be, in the right place if not standing in the right location, having no plans about how to talk. Music seems nice, and it's different enough she wants it as an escape, just as the alcohol she's avoided so far is the kind of burning she wants now. Warmer than she is on her own.

Kazuki is relatively uncomplicated company: coherent of thought, but not a soldier, not someone who makes her feel the helplessness of what she can't change. Even if she woke up tomorrow, she doesn't have that courage.

And she has at most two years to live, if the fighting doesn't kill her first.

Lute the Absol is with her, sitting at her side and leaning in just enough to touch. Annie has no sweatshirt for once, just a long sleeve shirt and tight dark pants, her pack not in evidence, just a small pouch attached to her belt at the hip.

She sees him, not nodding, not waving, just calling out when they're close enough. ]

Kazuki.

[ She doesn't look like she's been sleeping. (She hasn't.) She looks tired, and angular, and anything but soft. It's Annie. Angles are what she knows best. ]

[As Annie approached his cottage and little plot of land, far enough away from Lavender Town itself to feel a little wild and untouched, she might have noticed some of Kazuki's Pokemon hanging around the premises. When he was home, he didn't keep any of them in Pokeballs, and even when he was away, the ones that he wasn't keeping with him were allowed to rove around here as they pleased. It was important to Kazuki that they have their own space to live in, outside of the PC, where he could be assured of their happiness. They were all aware that they were expecting a visitor, so even his more territorial Pokemon, like Amp and Luna, wouldn't give her or Lute any trouble.]

[His Chimecho, Tin Tin, rang softly when he first caught sight of Annie, alerting Kazuki to her presence, so he came out to the front porch to greet her.]

[Even from a distance, he could see the look of fatigue on her face, and a tight, uncomfortable tension being held in her shoulders. His highly empathetic nature gave him an idea of how she might be feeling, even if he didn't know the full story yet. But he was determined to be the sort of person she could rely on when she was feeling down, so he didn't mirror her emotions. Instead, he put on an easy, comforting smile. Not pity, and not too much concern. Just understanding.]

Hey, Annie! [He didn't wait for her to come up to the door. He rambled down the porch steps and approached her instead.] Glad to see you made it. Did you have any problem finding the place? I know it's kind of backwater.

Edited 2019-05-13 17:17 (UTC)

[ It's the kind of set-up she wants for her Pokemon, but also doesn't have right now; the PC holds so many, in her opinion, where so many would even be one. Yet in the months here, she's gone from having two out at all times to having seven tucked away, and six all around her.

Except when kept behind. Except when it's just her and Lute, because Lute is easier for her to handle, is more grounding, and is as much of a natural disaster in the legends of this world as she is on her own.

She stays where she and Lute are standing, blinking as if his words register a half-beat slower than they should. Backwater? She glances around. ]

I've been in worse. Not that it's bad. Just been in more... backwater.

[ Her cover story stated she was from someplace as backwater, but no, she doesn't need to claim that particular lie. ]

Reminds me a little of where I trained growing up.

[ When her life had been her father, the pain, that cabin, the trees and the posts driven into the ground, and the command: again. She finds it almost soothing, that familiarity of purpose from oh... hah. Half a lifetime ago? Even more. By ten, she'd been in the military for years.

She drags her eyes away from the area, from the pokemon around, to really look at Kazuki, register the smile, the lack of pity, all the earmark signs of an empathetic soul. It's more obvious in person, to someone used to reading people, and she thinks to herself maybe that's why I sent the message, even as she knows part of it is the way he's so far, far divorced from any of the demons and nightmares that are at war in her head. ]

It's nice here.

[ More stilted when she talks, because she doesn't actually know what to say. Is prone to falling into silence to observe, left with her own thoughts, and they're not often kind ones. Lute leans harder against her, quiet, only a slight nod aimed at Kazuki as polite acknowledgement. ]

Thanks. I'm actually pretty proud of it... Ever since I got here I wanted to make a place where my Pokemon could live peacefully. You know, where I can see them. I'm not a big fan of the PC -- Even though it doesn't seem to bother Pokemon, I don't like the thought of them being stuck in there.

[If she just wanted to be reactionary for the time being, she sure picked the right person to come to. Kazuki could talk enough for three or four people and not feel awkward about it at all. He could sense that words weren't coming to her easily, so he happily chatted to fill in the silence.]

You trained in something when you were a kid? What did you do?

[Kazuki began to angle himself back towards the house to lead her to the back porch, where it was more roomy, and they could sit. The garden was back there too, and the rest of his Pokemon. However, sensing company, a Vulpix came up around the house from the back yard to check up on what was going on. She trotted to Kazuki's feet and yipped in greeting at Lute.]

[ Lute calls out a softer ololol in a sing-song sort of greeting, Annie finally moving forward again as she sees Kazuki angle himself away. Body language is so much easier than words, no matter how improper it sounded spoken out loud.

She brushes a strand of hair back behind her ear as she answers, glancing over the Vulpix. ]

Hand to hand combat training.

[ She grimaces, which is... not a smile, but also not a frown. He's a sore spot, the best and worst of her life, and someone she wants to see again before she... well. Anyway. ]

That was my childhood. Training.

[ Here she shrugs, her hand leaving Lute's head. ]

Probably stunted my growth. No wonder I'm so short.

[ As dryly delivered as ever, both a joke and also a jab at something true behind it all. She glances toward his house, waiting for his lead before she moves closer. ]

Oh! Um, for the military or something?

[Kazuki knew that people from her world began training young if they wanted to be in the military. Her expression was... interesting, but she didn't look upset about his question. She could easily give him the same schpiel she gave everyone about her childhood and not mention Marley at all, and Kazuki would be none the wiser.]

[The Vulpix, Kahoko, yipped again and turned to dash back into the backyard. Kazuki followed her at a much more sedate pace, and laughed at Annie's comment.]

It's not a bad thing. Your, uh... center of gravity is probably low, so you can trip tall people like me right over.

[ To be fair, she is as honest as she can be, just no one questioned what it might mean back in Paradis, so... she twitches her fingers, brushing her hair back out of her face again. It falls back across her cheek, splaying toward her eye and nose, almost immediately after. ]

My father was determined to train me in the most useless form of combat against Titans because it was his own style. Or for his bullshit ideals. Or both.

[ Lute keeps pace with them, body language relaxed, but still close. Always close enough to brush against Annie if either of them wanted. Right now, they both keep their space. ]

Hardly need to trip you when tumbling you's easier. And more fun.

[ Tripping has its benefits, but admittedly, there's something visceral in throwing someone to the ground, in any of the many ways she manages it. ]

Maybe he thought it would be good for you? [Kazuki had gotten used to Annie's short way of speaking well enough that words like "bullshit" didn't surprise him anymore.] In my world, people train in martial arts like Judo and Kendo even though they'll never have to use it to defend themselves. It's supposed to keep your body and mind sharp.

[Now that they were out back, Kazuki's garden was in view. There were several different kinds of berry bushes that were in bloom, as well as some cheerful spring blossoms being tended to by a Ribombee. A few trees provided shade that was thrown right over the porch, that made it more comfortable now that the weather was heating up.]

[He didn't have any chairs, but the height of the porch was just right for sitting on an dangling one's legs over.]

For some reason, I don't doubt that you could do that at all... [He replied with a slight air of unease, but still smiling nonetheless.]

... It wasn't for my sake. Though I was well trained by the time I did end up enlisted in hand to hand combat, if nothing else. The most useless skill in fighting against Titans.

[ And for two militaries, that had been the foot in the door. The rest that she'd excelled at was a matter of course. The only benefit to her life, the reason for it, was to be chosen; and after that, it was to be chosen again to get closer to possible answers before they could go home again. ]

He and all the people who spouted off the same bullshit, empty ideals they didn't even believe in? No. My training was never about being good for me.

[ Though she doesn't sound bitter. She doesn't even sound angry, precisely, but almost... resigned. Tired. It's out of her hands anyway. She admitted that when she was sixteen, and it turns out, at twenty? She was still admitting it.

She seats herself on the edge of the deck, legs dangling, but her feet not kicking. Her palms are pressed flat to the deck itself, Lute staying a few steps away, sniffing and looking over the gardens from where he stands. ]

Don't worry. [ She says after a moment, on the tail end of her own quiet as she watches the pokemon in the garden. ] I wouldn't touch you without your permission. [ That does not sound reassuring. Nor does what follows after a brief, considered pause, remembering her meeting with Lance back in October. ] Or you were harassing me and didn't back off when I said stop.

Edited 2019-05-16 00:11 (UTC)

Even if it was taught to you for the wrong reasons... [Kazuki sat down next to her. He gave her a healthy personal bubble, but stayed close enough to seem supportive, and more importantly, not threatened or afraid.] Do you ever feel like it's still good to know? Or maybe you enjoy it in a personal kind of way?

[There seemed to be some amusement in her tone when she said she could tumble him rather than trip him. Maybe she was just making a joke.]

I'm not worried. ]He shook his head.] I know you wouldn't. But I don't doubt that you could either.

[The Ribombee was busy with the flowers, but a Kricketune that looked to be dozing under a tree got up and approached Lute. He made a merry sound, rather like a xylophone, in obvious welcome. This Kricketune was one of Kazuki's first catches, and he was a sort of ambassador for their group. He had the affect of a kindly old man.]

... [ It's so much easier to lie, really, despite being terrible at outright lies, and rather better at subterfuge. At quiet. ] Of course I do. It's my father's legacy. It's useless, but it's his, and he gave it to me.

[ There's the emotion underlying those words, the way her eyes drop down and she's studying nothing in particular on the ground, corner of her lips just barely curling upward. She loves him, and hates the circumstances, and always knew she'd do what was asked because she'd never been the one to fight against it. To what end?

Her fingertips press down against the wood, tenting her fingers, turning the skin under the bed of her nails white.

Lute keeps one ear hidden under that ruff of his curved to listen to Annie. Otherwise his attention is for the Kricketune, dipping his head and his horn in a polite greeting. He looks out over the garden, then back to the Kricketune, allowing his admiration to speak through how he held himself and softened his eyes. ]

I know that parents aren't always the best for their children... [Even though that was a relatively rare occurrence in his peaceful world.] But if it was important to him, maybe that was his way of showing that he loved you.

[Kazuki simply let his statement settle, and didn't pry further. Where her father was now, why she spoke of him in the past tense... He didn't need to know. Some things were meant to stay personal.]

[Xylo the Kricketune bowed back, and lifted one of his claws to bend one of his antennae down rather like one would doff their hat. He then extended his other claw to make a sweeping gesture at the backyard; would Lute like a tour?]

He loved me. And I was fighting to get back home to him.

[ There's nothing happy in the statement; there's more than a hint of pain, and she doesn't like feelings things as intensely as she has been since she got back. She knows why, knows that she'd felt too estranged from time noting her age changed and nothing else had, that it made everything she'd been compartmentalising for the last seven months she'd been here was torn right back out.

So what is it that bothers her most? She's said it to Lute, in small snippets. She hasn't admitted it to anyone else, because the ones from home both do and don't understand, and saying she misses her father in front of a comrade she knows is dead feels cruel in a way she doesn't enjoy.

So she uses Kazuki as a soundboard, from a world so much more peaceful, where the arts are prized more than the art of conquest. ]

He's still alive, I know it, but at this point, I don't know that I'm going to be able to keep my promise.

[ She shifts to lean forward, pulling her hands into her lap, curling a cupped hand around her fist. ]

You know what the biggest joke is? I've basically been in a coma the last four years. I have two years left to find the only person in the whole ugly world who loves me, and I don't even know if I'll wake up in time to find him before I die from pre-existing conditions anyway.

[ A condition he made sure she was trained to get. One that he'd broken down over, apologising, afterward. I'm so sorry. She breathes in, a ring of constriction around her chest. ]

You're right. Parents aren't always the best for their children. [ Eren, where did your father go? Was he the one who helped make you who you are? ] And you love them anyway.

[ Lute looks back to her, waiting for her slight nod before he accepts the offer from Xylo. She needs space as much as she needs anything. And for the time being, he figures she needs human company, and it's rare enough to seek out someone that he'll take those steps out into the beauty of another home's cultivated gardens, knowing it does not break the one behind him.

So he falls in with Xylo, waiting and appreciative as they set off. ]

[Kazuki listened, and then was quiet as he tried to process what he had just heard. She loved her dad, and he most likely loved her. They were separated, for some reason, and she was trying to get back home to him. But... In a coma for four years? Dying from pre-existing conditions?]

What do you mean? Are you sick?

[For the first time since she got here, actual worry seeped into his tone. How could he be expected to react otherwise? Her father and her training were both in the past and far away, things that Kazuki could only understand so well, and address from a distance. But illness? That effected Annie now, and he couldn't help but be concerned about any acute, immediate suffering that might be happening here.]

Yes.

[ It's analagous enough. ]

I'd appreciate you not bringing it to the attention of anyone else from my... mudball of a world. I'd prefer they didn't know.

[ Which allows neatly for the two who do, without ever worrying the rest will learn, too. Belatedly, she remembers it's probably a good idea to address the worry she'd heard in his voice, seen in his demeanor. She's not dying here. None of them are. ]

Ah, Kazuki, I'm not dying here, from what I can tell. The... symptoms have subsided. They only flared up during that strange weekend.

Okay... I won't tell. [Kazuki didn't understand that all the people from her world weren't exactly friends, when they more or less acted like they were here. But he could definitely tell that Annie liked to keep her secrets, so he respected that. Maybe she just didn't want them to worry? At least she was telling him, so it wasn't something she absolutely felt like she had to hide.] So you think... You're cured, because you're in the Pokemon world?

Thank you.

[ It's quiet, and followed by an even quieter sigh. She knows she's cured, since all powers and linked messed are gone. But... ]

It's similar to the people who've died in their own dimensions being alive here. Something about this place just... ignores what should be true.

[ She watches the garden, the glimpse of Lute's white fur, the lovely spring nature of it all. She breathes in more deeply, feeling... still feeling far more than she likes, but also something like relief. Not of the weight of everything, but a shift in the weight of missing the chance to get home to get father. She breathes out, the same slow count, and examines Kazuki from the corner of her eye. She doesn't smile, not exactly, but she does tip her head just to the side. ]

This is about when a moderate encounter with alcohol sounds like a great plan.

[ she has her Mead if she wanted to be drunk, but she doesn't. she just wants... she doesn't know. a hangover and a shit night's sleep. the bounty provided by alcohol??? ]

Well, as long as you're alright. [Kazuki figured that if she were really so sick that she were in a coma, and only had a couple of years to live, he'd be able to see it somehow, so his concern softened back to the respectful distance it had taken before.] Oh, right! I actually, um, just a sec...

[He got up to stand, then held up one finger to show that he was only going to be a second as he dipped back into his house through the backdoor. And a minute later, he came back out with a tall bottle and two frosted glasses.]

I remembered you saying that, so I got this. [He sat back down, and set the bottle down between them.] It's a cider made from Aspear berries. Honestly, I don't really like beer, so I thought this might be good.

[And this was the only bottle he had. There was enough of it for them to get pleasantly drunk, but not totally sloshed. He may or may not have done this strategically. He didn't really drink much, so he was probably a sloppy drunk, and he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of her.]

[ She has no comment to being alright, but since she agreed on a purely physical level, and that's the only level that's mattered most her life, she simply stays silent. Easiest response for her in the world anyway.

Her eyebrow lifts at his just a sec, and it's only when he's coming back with a bottle that it slots in place what he'd graciously planned out. She'd figured on heading out to one of the drinking establishments in town, though this? Is much nicer. She's never enjoyed bars, for all the ones here are much nicer tended to and smell less like body odour and vomit. Also less like alcohol, but she figures they spill less and have less thrown around. One follows the other. ]

Beer seems to be an acquired taste.

[ Then again, she says that about any alcohol. She considers the bottle, considers making some kind of comment about drinking at his house, then decides it's not worth it. She would with Armin, to make him squirm; she would with Krieg, to make him laugh, if anything. Bertolt would be easier to tease for the sheer pointless nature of it; so would most the people here that she knows. Kazuki, she's not sure about how far she can push him or in what ways she can tease, and since deflection isn't called on, she doesn't make comment. ]

You like ciders?

[ Says she, who makes mead, though cider is an equally interesting concept. Not that she needs to throw her weight at making alcohol because she wasn't legally able to drink any of it, and not that she'd cared to in particular before, but pointless endeavours kept her sane, and the process had managed to be interesting.

She picks up the bottle, examining the label. ]

What about meads?

[ Drunk Annie, which has yet to happen, might go maudlin, might go... snuggly? Might be any kind of mess that she's not planning to learn about anytime soon. She's still idly checking the alcohol percentage: at the highest, it'll still be lower than strong mead. One of life's little joys. ]

Thank you. For the thought.

Fermented food is a big thing where I'm from, but beer is just... kinda nasty. [Kazuki chuckled to himself a bit as he passed the bottle to her so she could examine it. As to how far he could be teased... It was a good decision on her part not to. Kazuki was an incredibly genuine, sincere person, and was almost complete incapable of teasing. He took it just as badly too. He'd really think she was flirting with him! Something else he's also terrible at!] I figured this would be more like juice, so... Yeah, I guess I like ciders. What's mead?

You're welcome. [He took the bottle back whenever she was done looking at it, and opened it with a hiss of carbonation. Then he poured some into their cold glasses. Annie's first, since she was his guest, and that was an important thing in cultural context.] I thought, if drinking was something you really wanted to do, doing it here would be best.

[You're such a mom, Kazuki.]

Mead's fermented from honey. Tends to be sweet, but not cloying. Misleadingly strong. I make mine with berries.

[ Here, in this world. She had no resources or reason back on her own world. When he explains his logic, she blinks, looking at him. ]

... Drinking alone with an attractive man is better than drinking at an establishment with a slew of unknown patrons?

[ She has an eyebrow raised, because this was in fact something friends did, or that people offered when sealing different kinds of deals. Annie did not, in general, drink with people, so aside from tastings with Thida or drinking with Krieg, it wasn't a more logical behaviour for her than anything else.

Which meant she was pointing out that there's more than one way to take his sentiment, and while she figures it's from a "then you don't have to watch how much you're drinking" point of view instead of an intimate or advantage taking one, she does find it silly. Not enough to refuse, or refuse to take the glass he's poured for her, but--ah, yes. ]

Or is the privacy more comfortable for you?

[ Is the answer she lands on, when he mentions not liking certain alcohols, and he likely hadn't drunk much before. Still. ]

Does make me less likely to be offended by handsy drunk idiots.

[ She would handle anyone who did touch her without invitation, which, at a bar, even here, could definitely happen. Drunk people made poor judgement calls. There'd be no lasting injury done, but people would be sore.

Kazuki is wise. Also possibly not thinking about any of that, but look: she doesn't know moms, has no mom friends, and would find the whole idea ludicrous. So instead he gets her logic versions of why here, alone, and not out in public, at places that cater to those needs. ]

[This could have turned into a pleasant conversation about her new and interesting hobby, but no. Annie had to take things elsewhere.]

N-no! [Kazuki began to stutter, and felt his throat dry up and his ears go hot at her suggestion that he was an attractive man and privacy might be more comfortable for him. Because, of course, that was not his intention at all. He was not a predator in any fashion. The very notion was absurd. Could you imagine Kazuki hunting down anything, let alone a woman?] I was thinking, more like... Well, you sounded-- or I mean, I felt like you were upset when you texted me, so I thought you wouldn't want to go out anywhere...!

[He also didn't want either of them to get drop dead drunk at some bar, far from where he lived. He didn't want to drag anyone-- Or more likely, have himself dragged home after blacking out or something equally embarrassing to do in public.]

[ He's an honest blusher, and she didn't think he really considered what his statement sounded like. He's a good person. She, well, isn't. Or at least doesn't consider herself as a good one, just decent these days.

She gives him the grace of her looking away, instead studying the bubbles on the inside of her glass. ]

Is that the only reason? [ she doubts it, but she's also the person who would doubt it. he's straightforward, kinder than most, but not absent of his own complicated thoughts. he's human. it's natural. ] All that thinking... yet not thinking to ask, too. Acting like that might give a girl the impression that you're interested.

[ She opts against the mild act she would put on if talking with Eren or Armin, no pressing her hand to her chest, no looking "pointedly" elsewhere. ]

I don't mind either way.

[Kazuki was almost physically blown back by Annie's blunt statements. Critical hit! It's super effective! He leaned away from her a little, supported by the heel of his hand on the porch. The other rose up to try and cover his face somehow, so if it would hide his shame.]

I really... [Ugh, he struggled with attention like this so much. He hated it when girls started chasing him around school after he unwittingly became the star of a commercial for an MP3 player. He preferred how girls treated him before that-- With as much interest as one would have towards a particularly cute puppy. It was safe. It was easy. Not that Annie was chasing him, per se, but she was being incredibly straightforward with her intentions.] I swear, I just...

[But to say that he was totally, completely uninterested... Wouldn't that be sort of insulting? His mind strayed to their previous encounters. He thought about holding her hand and tracing Kanji in her palm.]

...That wasn't why I did any of this.

[There. In this exact moment, no, he hadn't meant to give the impression that he was interested in her. But it wasn't a concept that was impossible to believe either.]

Edited 2019-05-17 05:07 (UTC)

[ Her eyebrows have quirked up again. Goodness, he's apparently embarrassed himself. She'd claim credit, but is belatedly understanding how her own words could be misconstrued. In his favour, she believes only incurable flirts would think to be interested in her, because they're about the only people blind enough to have no taste beyond "not hideous."

She has a particular expectation of the world in relation to herself, and it's not a flattering or self pitying one. Which in this case does work in his favour--for all if he'd been equally blunt back, she would have been amused at having inadvertently continued the miscommunication. ]

I didn't think it was. And I don't mind either way that you didn't ask what I wanted to do. People make worse presumptions.

[ She hopes that's more clear, since it's what the not minding either way was. She didn't care where they were drinking, and takes a swallow of cider, puzzling over the taste before deciding she likes it decently enough. ]

Here's to being awake.

[ And she holds up her glass towards him, in offering of a cheers and change in subject. ]

on the Tuesday that follows...

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i'm so sorry kazuki

it's okay, he deserves it

when kind intentions bite back

his life

ruffles his hair